Love, life, and lesbianism through my forest green eyes.

Going to the Chapel

Well, hello there!

I know, I know. It’s been a minute. Where have I been? Hiding from Pence and the deplorables! Just kidding…sort of…

But seriously, I took a brief hiatus from social media, just to get away from it all. I’m back now, but in a more limited capacity. My social media accounts no longer rule my life, dictate when I go to bed, or have my undivided attention at any given moment. Cutting back has definitely improved my relationship with my significant other, and overall, has made me a happier green eyed dyke.

A lot has changed in the four or five years since I’ve been away. The most significant change in my life: C and I are married! Yep, we made it official. I put a ring on it, and so did she! At that point, in 2015, we had been together for about 19 years. When the Supreme Court ruling finally came down in a favorable fashion, we decided to go for it as soon as possible. We really wanted to wait until November, as that’s our anniversary month, but we feared that someone, somewhere, would find a loophole from Hell which would undo the court’s decision, and it would be too late.

So, a week after the ruling, we found ourselves at the county courthouse obtaining that marriage license. We took an afternoon off to do this. We were pleasantly surprised to see more lesbian and gay couples standing in line to apply for the license than there were straight couples that day, perhaps with the same concerns that we had about the possible reversal of the ruling.

The license was good for only 60 days, so we picked the Saturday before Labor Day to hold our small ceremony. In the meantime, we went ring shopping. We ended up with matching silver bands. Since we didn’t buy each other engagement rings, we settled on thicker bands with a nifty design. Both of agreed that a thin band would either get lost or broken (particularly by me, as I tend to be a klutz). Pricey, but worth it.

When I say we had a small ceremony, I actually mean minuscule: there were seven people at our wedding. My parents, C’s parents, C’s brother, his wife, and our then 9-month old nephew. I guess you could say we had 6 1/2 people in attendance that day. πŸ™‚ But it was perfect. We both wore dresses, mostly to appease our mothers. (Especially mine. She was all into the dress shopping.) Granted, nothing was Vera Wang, but I think we looked good. I wore a white sleeveless dress with blue and green beaded embellishments. My wife wore a sleeveless, low-cut yellow dress. Yellow is her favorite color, and she’s one of the only people I know who can pull off wearing yellow clothing and not look like Big Bird. She was beautiful, but she’s beautiful everyday. πŸ˜‰

We had a small reception type of thing at our home, which involved salad, pizza, and cake. No fancy frills here! We had two cakes, because I love cake, and C put me in charge of the cake. I couldn’t help myself, and I ordered two: one that was a Boston-cream type of concoction, and another which consisted of white cake, strawberry filling, and buttercream frosting. Both were divine. The cake toppers for the Boston-cream style cake were my idea…


Overall, it was a good day. We didn’t want extravagant or flashy. We didn’t want to be Bridezillas. We wanted a simple ceremony and, most importantly, that piece of paper which allows my wife to keep our house in the event that I get hit by a bus. And, if I’m still alive, but in the hospital after being ran over by said bus, my wife can visit and be with me, legally. That aspect was more significant to us than having a gigantic, overpriced wedding.

Oh, and we also adopted a cat. Because that’s not cliche. But, that’s another post for another day.


Black Lingerie

This Valentine’s Day, I wanted to do something special for my girlfriend. While browsing online a couple of weeks ago, I spotted the perfect “gift” — lingerie. Not for her, but for me to wear for her.

I’ve always been intrigued by lingerie. Of course I enjoy seeing it in pictures and worn by beautiful women, but for some reason, I never considered wearing it myself. I guess it’s because I’m kind of nerdy, and while I’m sure there’s a fetish group dedicated to nerds adorned in lingerie, I didn’t think it would be a good look for me. I’m aware I don’t look anything like a Victoria’s Secret model. Unfortunately, I have the body of a twelve-year-old boy; lanky, somewhat muscular, with a lack of boobage. I also don’t normally do frilly, or even feminine. My usual attire consists of some combination of pants/jeans/trousers and t-shirts/polos/sweaters. I guess never thought I could pull off wearing skimpy, lacy, sexy anything before. And yes, the whole idea intimidated me.

Despite my reservations, I fell in love with the black, lacy number the second I saw it. It looked like it would enhance my long torso, the one thing I do have going for me. And it came with garters, fishnet hose, the works. I wanted my girlfriend’s input, so I showed it to her before I ordered it. She became a little excited.

“Ooh, I think you’ll look so sexy,” she commented.

I rolled my eyes but placed the order. It arrived a few days later, and it was more gorgeous than the picture. Holding the delicate fabric between my fingers, I became nervous but eager to try it out. But I didn’t. I wanted to try it on, but for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It lived on its hanger in the bedroom closet until the big day.

A few days before Valentine’s Day, I went out and bought two more things I normally wouldn’t think about purchasing on a regular basis: makeup and high heels. Hey, if I was going to do this, I was going to go all out! I purchased candy apple red nail polish with matching lipstick, and shiny black high heels. My outfit was complete, but would I have the nerve to wear it?

Valentine’s Day weekend rolled around. I painted my nails Saturday afternoon, giving my girl a taste of what she would experience later. That evening, it was time. I went to out guest bathroom with my supplies, determined to come out of that bathroom transformed into a hot, vampy, piece of ass.


I had a little trouble figuring out how to get the top part of the camisole-type-thing on; the thin straps kept twisting, and I nearly strangled myself twice. But I eventually figured it out, and luckily the tiny panties didn’t give me any trouble. In fact, they made my butt look quite nice and round, which gave my confidence a boost. After sliding the stockings over both legs, I faced a challenge I didn’t expect:

How the hell do these garter things work?

I figured out how to clasp them onto the top of the hose in the front, but could not for the life of me reach around to hook them in the back. After fifteen minutes, the frustration was too much, and I let the back straps hang down. I was happy that at least the front worked out. I carefully applied my make-up, which was brighter than I thought it would be, and slid on my heels. Finally, I was ready.

I took a deep breath as I sauntered in the bedroom, and my girlfriend’s jaw dropped. I hoped it wasn’t because I looked ridiculous. But her eyes met my blurry ones (I decided to go sans glasses), and she told me how hot I looked. And for a moment, I felt sexy…me, a somewhat soft butch who only wears girly stuff when she has to…sexy. Who would have thought?

Needless to say, my worries and insecurities were unnecessary. We had a great evening, and she expressed how much she appreciated my effort. I learned that just because something intimidates me, it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t give it a whirl anyway. And looking back, it was fun to play dress-up. I may not be Heidi Klum, but I don’t care. I’m already making plans for Valentine’s Day 2014.

FYI: Tassels are involved…

Foster The People

Foster The People

So, Jodie Foster supposedly “came out” during her acceptance speech of the Cecil B. Demille Award at the Golden Globes this past Sunday. She thanked her co-parent, “ex-partner in love but righteous soul sister in life”, and BFF of 20 years, Cydney Bernard. She also spoke about privacy, wanting it and not really having it, stating she basically gave that up from the time she was three years old. You can click the link above to watch and read a transcript of her speech.

Why did I wait so long before weighing in on this? Because I knew people would bitch about it. Some say she should’ve been more subtle. Maybe she should’ve stated that it’s okay to be gay and that everyone should be proud of who they are. Others believe she should’ve moved to the other side of the spectrum and declared that she’s out and a proud member of the LGBT community, and if you don’t like it, suck it.

Come on.

Coming out isn’t an easy process for most people. It’s difficult to confess to someone you care about that you’re gay. I didn’t even really come out to my parents; my Mom sat me down one day and said she knew about my girlfriend and I, and I needed to figure out if this was the life I really wanted. I think she knew my girlfriend and I were in love before we did. Needless to say, Mom didn’t take it well. My girlfriend’s Mom basically did the same thing, though her twin brother was in the room at the time and nearly dropped his bowl of cereal during the revelation. Both sets of parents are fine with it now, but it did take quite a while for them to come around.

I’ve told a few friends about my sexual orientation, friends I knew were open-minded people, and I haven’t really had a negative reaction. I always approached it in a casual manner: “Hey, you know my friend C? She’s actually my girlfriend…” (For her privacy, I’ll call my partner ‘C’ on this blog.) Most people are okay with it. Some shook their heads and said, “Yeah, I know. Why did you take so long to tell me?” But I’ve never really said, “Hey, so-and-so, I’m a lesbian.” I’m not uncomfortable with the direct approach; I just haven’t used it yet.

The decision to come out and how to do so is different for all of us. Some of us do it very publicly, like Ellen did with her Time magazine cover and her sitcom, or like Melissa did during the Triangle Ball in 1993. I couldn’t imagine being in Jodie Foster’s shoes. I know a lot of us in the LGBT community suspected it, some say they knew, and yet she’s getting all of this grief. The thing is, she didn’t have to say anything about it in the first place, folks. She could’ve just thanked some people, grabbed her award, and walked off of the stage. What was she supposed to do, go up there in front of an audience of millions and say, “Guess what? I’m a big ol’ dyke! Anyone want to see my ‘I love pussy’ tattoo?” Maybe she doesn’t want to be an outspoken poster child for lesbians everywhere. It would be great if she chose to be, but she doesn’t have to be. She shouldn’t be forced to be or criticized because she isn’t. Along with her amazing arms (and I thought my guns were blazing), I also respect her decision to approach it the way she did.

Make It Last

Being in a long term relationship isn’t always easy.

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 16 years. We’re not married, (thanks so much, state of Ohio), but we’ve done the cohabitation thing for quite some time. We’ve been through a lot of shit, both good and bad, and yet we’re still a couple. This blows my mind sometimes; I’m not exactly the easiest person in the world to live with, so the fact she’s still around is a miracle to me.

We’re way past the “honeymoon stage”; you know, when you’re in a new relationship and all you live, breathe, think about and dream about is her. You want to know every detail you possibly can about her. You call each other just to say “hi” or send each other cute little texts. (Although, cell phones weren’t around when we first started dating. We did call each other quite a bit, though!). It’s like a fairy-tale romance. We’re even past the “honeymoon stage”; the point in the relationship where all you want to do is fuck like bunnies. You can’t get enough of each other and you don’t want to be apart.

My girlfriend and I are at the “probably too comfortable with each other” stage. We have certain daily routines we follow to the letter. We know about and (sometimes) put up with the other person’s bad habits. She burps and I fart when we’re on the couch watching TV after a long day at work (which we complain about as soon as we walk in the door). We floss and clip our toenails in front of each other. I have no qualms about using the toilet while she’s in the shower. We argue about shit I never thought we’d argue about; just this evening, we squabbled over the garbage disposal, of all things. On rare occasions, we make love all night long; sometimes, we fall asleep at 9:00 at night. Work, mortgage payments, housework, family issues and a plethora of other stuff takes precedence in our lives. Life gets in the way of love sometimes.

It’s difficult to keep a relationship from having that “not-so-fresh” feeling, especially these days. But I believe it can be done. Here are a few things that seem to work for us:

1. Unplug.

For a little while, turn off the phone, the iPad, the Kindle, the laptop, and whatever electronic device you have that distracts you. This is difficult for me, as I am heavily into social media and therefore on my phone quite a lot. It’s definitely I, and many people, need to work on. Your partner deserves your undivided attention. If you’re out together, especially on a date night, do not look at your phone unless you have a premonition that someone’s dying or you’re expecting that call for the second interview for your dream job. That Twitter mention from someone you don’t really know will still be there. You can answer it later.

2. Make time for each other.

It seems like there really aren’t enough hours in the day. There’s so much to do, right? And if you’re both busy people, you might find yourselves becoming two ships passing in the night. Even if you live together, sometimes it can feel like you’re far apart. Make the effort to schedule a date night. We find it nice to have “date afternoons” on Saturdays. If necessary, schedule sex. Yeah, I know, it might lose some of that spontaneity, and it might not sound hot, but think of it this way: It’s something to look forward to. And you can make sure you shower and shave the legs first, which is always a bonus.

3. Touch each other.

Touching is so important. It really is a way to connect without saying a word. So, when the two of you are on the couch watching the latest bad reality show, put your arm around her. I’m not suggesting you cop a feel (though that’s not always a bad thing), but pull her close, maybe snuggle a little. Even just holding hands or something seemingly so insignificant can be great. Rub her feet or her shoulders if she’s had a long day. My girlfriend particularly enjoys a shoulder massage; I’m proud to say I give a damn good one.

4. Communicate…and listen.

No matter how long you’ve been together, unless you’ve been certified as such, you are not a mind reader…and neither is she. If something’s wrong, say something. Ask. And when she responds, listen. Listening is key to any relationship, but particularly with your partner. I’ve had problems with this in the past. I tend to get distracted pretty easily, and my girlfriend occasionally claims she’ll be talking to me for a few minutes and I don’t hear a word she says. She’s usually right. So, talk to your partner, and take the time to listen to what she has to say. She’s worth it.

5. Get stupid with each other.

Life is stressful. Laughter is proven to help reduce stress, and it makes you feel good. Watch a ridiculously bad movie together. (Something like Spice World, perhaps.) Play video games. Initiate a tickle war. My girlfriend and I play “make your own rules” Scrabble sometimes, which can be amusing; somehow, most everything ends up being a word. Find something that makes both of you laugh. It will be good for both of you.

Keeping a relationship of any kind going strong takes effort. I’ve offered a few suggestions I hope are useful, and I suppose they could work for gay or straight couples. Hey, if they work for us, they can work for you, too!

No Myth

I work with straight people who think I’m straight, too. Because of this, and because we can hear every conversation that goes on in our tiny office, I’ve noticed that people have certain (incorrect) ideas about who and what lesbians are. The misconceptions are mind-boggling, especially since we’re in the 21st century. I decided to clear some of these things up for any of my readers who may be a bit confused.

1. We’re with women because we “haven’t found the right man”.

People actually think this. Or, the best one I’ve heard is the guy who says, “One night with me will turn you straight.” Yeah. If by some slim chance I did let that happen, it might turn my stomach, but believe me…I wouldn’t turn straight. As a matter of fact, it’s not possible to turn anyone. Nice try.

2. We’re out to steal the wives and girlfriends of straight guys.

I think straight dudes tend to feel intimidated by us for some reason. Maybe it’s because they’re afraid we can pleasure women better (which, well…we probably can) and their women will leave them for us. Please. For starters, I’m not out to be a home wrecker. If I were single, I wouldn’t be going after someone else’s woman anyway. Also, straight ladies are straight. If they really want penis, we can’t change that. And most of us really want to be with someone who wants to be with us in a relationship, not merely for a one-night stand or as a straight-girl’s experiment. We don’t normally go after straight gals anyway, though a select few of us do get off on that. Most of us look but don’t touch.

3. We hate men.

The only men I hate are ignorant men…you know, the ones who say shit like, “One night with me can change you!” and/or, my personal favorite, “Can I watch?”. Just because I don’t feel the need to have sex with a man and am attracted to women doesn’t mean I despise all members of the male species. And most of us aren’t exhibitionists, so no…you can’t watch.

4. We all listen to the Indigo Girls, wear Birkenstocks, and have mullets.

I didn’t even know who the hell the Indigo Girls were until I went to a Lilith Fair back in ’98. My girlfriend and I sat next to a couple of butch women who looked at us like we were from outer space when we didn’t stand up for the Indigo Girls as they played their set. The music was fine; we were just unaware of the fact they’re a lesbian folk group. I don’t usually listen to lesbian folk music, so, well, my bad. And God help me if I ever have a mullet. I made my girlfriend promise me that if I ever started sporting one that she would hold an intervention of some type. However, I do own a pair of Birks. Hey, they’re comfy!

5. There’s a butch and a femme in every lesbian relationship.

For starters, I hate labels. In my relationship, I’m taller than my partner, but she has short hair. However, she’s more girly than I’ll ever be, yet she puts the Ikea-type furniture together when necessary. She’s good with tools. πŸ˜‰ But if it’s light auto maintenance, that’s my department. Neither one of us really act “manly”. So, no, the traditional “male/female” roles usually don’t exist in most lesbian relationships. As granola as it sounds, we try to be equal partners.

6. We don’t all drive Subaru Outbacks.

For some reason, people think this is the case, too. I’m not sure why. I’ve met lesbians who drive everything from tiny subcompact cars (which is how I roll) to giant pick-up trucks. Besides, Outbacks are expensive, and not that cute.

7. We don’t have deep, meaningful relationships; our relationships are all about sex.

If only!! πŸ˜‰ Seriously, though…no. We want what everyone wants: a healthy, loving relationship with someone we can connect with on every level. Guess what? Sex does happen to be a part of a healthy relationship, so we’re probably having it. And again…no, you can’t watch!

I hope this clears up some incorrect assumptions you may have about us dykes. We’re women who happen to prefer women. It would be nice to someday not have to worry about how we’re perceived. We’re getting there.

Hello, It’s Me

Well, hi there! Welcome to my blog. It’s kind of in its infancy, but it’ll get better, especially aesthetically. Promise.

So, if you saw the front page, you know that I’m a lesbian. I’m remaining anonymous so I can blog about whatever I want, whenever I want, without fearing the consequences. You see, I’m not completely out of the closet. I’m kind of in the doorway of the closet; one foot out, one foot in. Only a select few members of my family, friends, and Twitter folks know. Professionally, it’s best if I’m not out at work; I would be not only fired, but harassed on my way out the door and possibly in the parking lot. And, since I grew up in Redneckville, Ohio, it’s just better that I stay closeted, at least for now.

A little about me: I’m 35, not butch, but not femme, either. I’m kind of in between; you might say I’m the Goldilocks of gay girls. πŸ˜‰ I don’t pack, never have, never will. I do not have a mullet (at least I hope I don’t), and I don’t wear girly shit unless I’m forced to. However, I do have shoulder-length brown hair, so I can pass for straight if necessary. (Hey, I do it at work every day!) I wear glasses because I’m nearsighted and can’t fucking see without them, so I tend to rock the nerdy librarian look a lot. I’m shy and quiet in real life, so the wardrobe works well. Unless you get to know me…then I’m fucking fun!

I have a full-time office job that blows and a girlfriend who blows only if I ask her to. πŸ™‚ My girl and I are the same age, and we’ve been together for over 16 years. That’s almost half our lives, people! We met in grade school, became friends, but didn’t get together until after high school. We’ve been inseparable ever since. She’s a cute 5’2, with short, thick brown hair and amazing brown eyes. I have a thing for the brown hair/brown eye combination. I’m 5’7, so I’m the tall one of the family, which I enjoy. Plucking stuff off of shelves for her makes me feel useful. And, you’d be surprised how much of an advantage the height difference is in bed! TMI? Sorry. Deal with it.

I’m in the process of writing a book. I’m on the fourth draft of my story of an unlikely love between a lesbian vampire and a lesbian witch. Why write this? I wasn’t pleased with the selection of lesbian vampire novels that didn’t depict the vampire as being this sexy demon who went around seducing everyone. Lame. My vampire isn’t sexy; in fact, she’s quite plain. She’s modeled after me, actually, except she doesn’t wear glasses and has bigger biceps than me. My witch, however…smoking hot. Think Buffy and NOT Twilight. I’m hoping the plot twists and the story itself is enough to captivate everyone, even straight folks. If it doesn’t, and only the lesbos like it, I’m good with that. I’m hoping to have it published by the end of the year. Oddly enough, I’m using my real name and not a pen name for this. I introduced the plot on my “professional” blog, and no one’s threatened to kill me yet, so I’d call that a success!

Anyway, that’s probably enough for now. I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you with my very first post! Check back often; I have an opinion about everything, and I’m not afraid to express it!!

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